Moonless Nights
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z5AanNVJCxnNYeFdyoqLV9JKHUcviviTrfr5s6NVdTzQQuN2dsxH35G
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Description:
My personal channel, largely replacing those I used to have on other systems, back in the client-server days.
This channel is mostly for just writing personal thoughts about inter-personal relationships, technical opinions, the direction of humanity and its cultures, and a search for purpose, more broadly.
Personally, I am a software developer (systems programming, if you were interested). In my personal life, I am polyamorous (however you feel about that). Socially, I like to associate with the goth scene (which I have done since early 2003).
This channel is mostly for just writing personal thoughts about inter-personal relationships, technical opinions, the direction of humanity and its cultures, and a search for purpose, more broadly.
Personally, I am a software developer (systems programming, if you were interested). In my personal life, I am polyamorous (however you feel about that). Socially, I like to associate with the goth scene (which I have done since early 2003).
Re: More sleeping troubles (on Dec. 11, 2025, 10:00:21 p.m.)
The normal produce store I go to in Chinatown hasn't had the usual vegetables I use so I have just been omitting them, meaning the dishes have less variety in them.
I heard that some people were sick earlier in the week so maybe I was just fighting [...]
I heard that some people were sick earlier in the week so maybe I was just fighting [...]
Unloaded expression (on Dec. 8, 2025, 9:44:56 p.m.)
Something I have complained about for years is how I dislike the way that modern culture pathologizes everything and everyone. We no longer feel down or lonely, we are only depressed. We no longer have a hard time communicating our thoughts, we [...]
More sleeping troubles (on Dec. 8, 2025, 9:37:39 p.m.)
It is strange how I periodically go through these cycles where I have a hard time sleeping. Specifically, I have a hard time staying asleep. I wake up earlier than I want to, still feeling exhausted, but unable to do anything about it.
Then, I [...]
Then, I [...]
Discontinuity (on Dec. 7, 2025, 10:44:01 p.m.)
Despite doing a reasonably good job of keeping in mind the idea that humans fundamentally value connection and are mostly friendly, most of the time, there is still something missing in me.
I vaguely remember being more human. I felt more [...]
I vaguely remember being more human. I felt more [...]
Re: What I wrote on Substack today. Not sure this is good for me, lol. (on Dec. 6, 2025, 10:00:57 p.m.)
Sorry I didn't see this earlier. It looks like us being out of sync was finally resolved (some kind of IPFS-ism I am always surprised can get this bad).
I can't do too much to help but do remember that you are never imposing when you text, or [...]
I can't do too much to help but do remember that you are never imposing when you text, or [...]
Re: Rebuild of Evangelion (on Dec. 1, 2025, 6:40:20 p.m.)
Did you also see the movie, Rebellion? A sequel to that has been delayed for several years but is supposed to come out early in 2026: Walpurgisnacht Rising.
I know that people generally liked the movie but reactions to the ending were [...]
I know that people generally liked the movie but reactions to the ending were [...]
Warm and Cold (on Nov. 30, 2025, 8:35:24 p.m.)
Last night was strange in that I had a conversation with one person which reaffirmed that belief that we all yearn for connection, only to have another conversation with someone else less than 2 hours later which seemed to imply that the world is [...]
Re: Rebuild of Evangelion (on Nov. 29, 2025, 4:36:55 p.m.)
Yeah, it is strange in that the first movie is just a compacted remake of the first several episodes. Movie 2 is mostly a remake of most of the rest of the series, but then has a very different ending, introduces a new character, and changes the [...]
Asymptotic Pursuits and the Drive of Humanity (on Nov. 27, 2025, 11:59:32 a.m.)
Over the past little while, I have been trying not to worry about how mainstream culture thinks. For the longest time, looking at its "quick to judge, slow to understand" nature or its bizarre deification of its rules left me feeling isolated and [...]
Re: Tech stuff and grief writing (on Nov. 26, 2025, 11:06:59 p.m.)
Wow, it is crazy to hear that you need to pay for a tool to sort this out. Then again, maybe the issue was actually complicated or otherwise insidious and this might just be the tool for the job. If what you are doing hasn't changed meaningfully [...]
Of Prestige and Purpose (on Nov. 26, 2025, 10:58:43 p.m.)
On the weekend, a woman asked me what I do for a living. I gave my wishy-washy sort of "I am a software developer, but just working on strange projects, these days" answer. This made me feel strange.
Part of the problem is that I don't know why [...]
Part of the problem is that I don't know why [...]
Rebuild of Evangelion (on Nov. 25, 2025, 1:15:32 a.m.)
So, I finished watching these "Rebuild" movies. I should probably sit and think about this for a while but here are some initial thoughts (no real spoilers, I don't think).
First off, they were good. Now, this means that they are worth watching [...]
First off, they were good. Now, this means that they are worth watching [...]
Resting in the Beach Memory (on Nov. 24, 2025, 1:05:48 a.m.)
I feel myself waking up as I become aware of the weight of my body and the sounds of the environment. Nearby, I hear the gentle lapping of the water against sand. Ah, that explains this coarse substance pressing against my cheek. I slowly open my [...]
Eva Unit 01 (on Nov. 15, 2025, 6:38:27 a.m.)
Grabbed this picture of some graffiti on the side of a building near my place, the other day. It was interesting that I only really noticed this while on a walk to contemplate how I felt after completing the series.
I guess such things do just [...]
I guess such things do just [...]
Re: Carrying Capacity (on Nov. 15, 2025, 6:19:53 a.m.)
Aww, that is sweet. Plus, you know that I am a sucker for wording like "and I am build, just like my kin, to withstand the storm"
Re: Carrying Capacity (on Nov. 11, 2025, 10:48:29 p.m.)
I am happy to hear that it seemed interesting. I can never tell if some of the things I think about are worth discussing or just too pedestrian.
Carrying Capacity (on Nov. 10, 2025, 5:52:56 p.m.)
Something I have thought about, over much of my adult life, is how terrible it is that some people categorize others and then mistreat or prejudge them, applying different standards based on _whatever_. Recently, however, I have been trying to [...]
Surprisingly Nice Comment (on Nov. 8, 2025, 7:54:48 p.m.)
Last night, a woman I have seen at the clubs for a while (technically one of the first people I met in the Toronto goth scene, several years ago - she is still regularly out) came up to me and told me that she thinks I am one of the best dancers in [...]
Re: Bluesky (on Nov. 8, 2025, 7:47:54 p.m.)
Hmm, I am actually concerned that their claims to decentralization (since the system is theoretically federated) are mostly just empty since I heard something about that functionality being a future consideration, although I am not sure what the [...]
Seeking Connection and Understanding (on Nov. 4, 2025, 10:00:00 p.m.)
I think it is kind of embarrassing that I find myself often watching those "reaction" videos, online, where people watch a movie or TV show and talk about it. I think that the main itch I expect this to scratch is some kind of connection. I feel [...]
Re: :) (on Nov. 3, 2025, 1:01:33 a.m.)
Crazy to believe that it has been 12 years but that sounds about right. Yeah, I didn't see this until some time on November 1.
"Komm, süsser Tod" and "Comfortably Numb" (on Oct. 29, 2025, 3:35:13 p.m.)
I find it odd that I keep finding the song, "Komm, süsser Tod", stuck in my head. The song, itself, isn't really my kind of thing but something about the scene it plays over in End of Evangelion makes it memorable.
In an odd way, I realized that [...]
In an odd way, I realized that [...]
Re: :) (on Oct. 29, 2025, 3:24:39 p.m.)
Well, I hope that I am of some use, somewhere. I know that it does calm my mind to know that you are one of the people who does care about me and indulges my bizarre ideas, like this system.
Re: Mediation Process in the Walking (on Oct. 29, 2025, 2:10:22 a.m.)
I have never been able to really get the knack for it, but I suspect I might be thinking about it in the wrong way.
Best I can do is get some shadow of what I think I should be looking for while doing other things (walking, baking, etc).
Best I can do is get some shadow of what I think I should be looking for while doing other things (walking, baking, etc).
Affirmative and Negative Definitions (on Oct. 26, 2025, 2:05:10 p.m.)
While out for a walk today, I realized that there is a bit of a pattern behind the thoughts I do not find helpful: They are all a statement of, or revulsion toward, things I am not.
Be this as trivial as jaywalking or as detached and dark as [...]
Be this as trivial as jaywalking or as detached and dark as [...]