I am relieved to see that it is warming up. Once it is warm enough for walks in my Vibrams, I need to get out of here. I do feel as though I may be losing my mind.

Of course, there is always that growing sense of worry about those around me, too, as they experience loss or health problems. Sometimes I become aware of how much that is weighing on me.

There is another thing, too, where I worry that I am disappointing them in that I am so distant and detached from so much of what life used to be. Did I used to care more? Did I used to know how to help? How much have I faded and when?

I feel so isolated but I don't know why. I feel like I have forgotten how to engage with the world. Before the pandemic, I don't think I felt this way. Maybe I did and I just can't remember the before-time. Maybe it didn't matter since Ash was always with me. Maybe the in-person working environment was actually all I needed to stay sane.

Now... I just don't know. I feel sorry to all of those around me for not being what I should be and what I suspect I once was.

I am sorry,
...Nights